Unease and revulsion fill me at her behavior. I have to get away! But my arms and legs won’t respond. Heat radiates from her, burning me at her touch. It sickens me as she caresses my cheek. A soft, warmth brushes my lips and I do the only thing I know I can.

I fall away into the space between moments where only time exists. I have to escape her! What is she? Can she follow me here? She’s me, so maybe?

Her laughter echoes around me as if in answer. I cast about for a way to escape her and desperately I latch onto the world around me and its processes. With wild abandon, I pull at some, unraveling their interdependencies and her laughter dies.

Reality is shattered by cold and the cries of others. But something holds my arms! No! She still has me! I thrash, trying to push it or her off of me. With a great cry and heave, I manage to push it away and leap to my feet, ready to flee. If only my eyes could see.

Cold wind blows against my bare skin and I begin to shiver. Through the inky darkness, pinpricks of light slowly appear. Next to my foot, an object moves and I scream, sure she’s found me.

“Max,” a voice cries, “What’s going on? Are you ok?”

Slowly, my surroundings make themselves known and the panic begins to drain away. I stand on my motel bed, but the walls and ceiling are gone!

All around, in both directions, the walls and roof have vanished, including their wires and pipes and everything in them. The pinpricks of light are the stars shining upon us unimpeded by any structure. In what used to be the room next to us, Ethel and Lynn sit up in their beds. My eyes grow bigger as I look around, dumbfounded at what I see.

At my foot, Chloe sits up and she peers at me. “Are you ok,” she asks. “Why did you scream?”

“What happened,” Kate asks as she rises from her bed. Then they both notice the lack of a building and their eyes grow big.

“Shit,” Chloe whispers.

I look between them, a knot in my stomach that refuses to move. Kate sits on my bed and holds up her hands. Slowly, I sink to my knees and stare into nothingness. One of them touches my shoulder and I shy away.

Out there, somewhere, She waits for my. I’m sure of it. Who or what is she? The cold darkness of night beyond the edge of the streetlights hides her world. The longer I stay here… The more I use my power…

“Max?” Kate’s gentle voice pulls me back to the bed, back to the motel. Back to what I did.

How do I explain what happened, when I don’t even know?

Not that I want to deny that I destroyed the motel, but words to explain are far away. Another mark against me. Another reason I shouldn’t be here.

Around us other voices call through the night as other guests begin asking questions. At least there wasn’t a second floor. It seems no one got hurt.

People begin to mill about the front of the motel. It’s a small town motel so the office is closed. They knock on the door and push the night bell, but their raised voices suggest the night person hasn’t heard.

Sure, they aren’t physically hurt, but I deprived them of sleep. I destroyed property. Caused trouble for the innocent. Each time I use my power…

“Looks like a shit night for management,” Chloe mutters wearily as she rises from the bed. She walks to Ethel and they speak together, huddled against the chill wind. Lynn has already risen and begun to dress.

“Max?” Kate asks again, gently. She’s not easily turned away by my hesitation or silence. I pull my eyes away from the office and look at her.

“I… I had a nightmare,” I finally say, thinking that’s easier to explain. And it’s not far from the truth. She looks at me a long time before nodding slowly. I pull the sheet and blanket around me as the breeze kicks up again. It’s after midnight, I’m pretty sure, but it’s so cold maybe it’s near dawn?

“Get dressed,” Ethel calls out, “I’m calling another motel. I’d like to at least take a shower before we start a new day.” I slide out of bed and pull my clothes on over my pajamas. The activity and extra clothes help warm me up quickly. And it helps keep my mind off the destruction I caused. Why aren’t they asking me about it? Because they know I did it? Aren’t they concerned about me using my power while I’m asleep?

No one was physically harmed, but whoever owns this motel will suffer loss. That thought weighs on me, and adds to the churn of negative thoughts that have claimed residence in my mind.

Stolen glances and darting eyes tell me that even though they aren’t asking about what happened, they are thinking about it. The noise around the office is reduced to a static as a worker finally answers the bell.

I’m haunted by Her as I prepare to leave. A burning trail along my cheek reminds me of her touch. I hear Her words in the murmur of voices around the office. The sensations cause my stomach to churn and I think I’m going to be sick again.

A moment’s pause, and a deep breath of the cold air helps soothe that. What kind of messed up dream was that? Is she… real? Or a part of me?

What finally gives me pause is observing Kate, Chloe, Lynn, and Ethel. Each of them doing their best. Each showing care for me in their own way. I… destroyed the motel in my sleep. It could have easily been them. A shiver runs through me and the hair on my arms stands up. As long as I’m with them, they’re in danger. My ability… it only brings harm. How soon before they’re caught in it. Kate and Lynn talking softly draw my eyes. Again.

The thought freezes my hands as I cram my stuff into my backpack. None of them look at me as they finish stuffing their bags and take them to the van. Even more guests are now awake and shouts of confusion again echo through the night. I’m a danger to everyone around me. I should have left yesterday morning when I wanted to.

I climb into the front passenger seat and Ethel eyes me as she starts the van. “What are you doing up here,” she asks as she backs out of the parking spot. Her voice is tired and cranky.

“Can’t I sit where I want?” My words are cautious, but direct.

“You’re usually back there with Chloe.” This is not going well. I’m not helping things.

I take a breath and distract myself by looking at the people around the motel office. The little room was never built for that many people at once. The ones outside look cold and lost.

“What will happen here?” I don’t know why I ask that question because none of us can know.

“Tomorrow I’ll see what can be done,” Ethel says.

“What? Do you mean… like pay for it?” I’m genuinely surprised she has an answer.

“If need be. I need some sleep first.”

So, maybe some good news for once?

The van turns left, toward a nearby stoplight. I fall silent and look at the pack between my feet. It contains several changes of clothes, including the basics. If I did leave, would I need money? The fingers of my right hand briefly clench at the thought. No… if I had to… I could… no! It’s bad enough that I’ve caused harm to others!

To distract myself from that thought, I look again at Ethel. “If we make problems for Doctor Smith, his backers will pull his funding, and that’s how we stop him?” That’s not the question I want to ask, but it works for now.

“Yeah. Get his backers to stop his funding is the surest way to stop him,” she says with a yawn as we wait for the light to change.

“How do we do that?”

“Like I said before, your escape started the process. We keep you away from him long enough and his backers will become impatient and pull out. The project was expensive, on the order of millions of dollars each month.”

Wow! Gulp. “Is there a way to speed it up?”

She purses her lips as she pulls into the intersection. “What you did here will do that.”

Oh. Oh!

“It will take a few hours, but once there’s a police report, his people will figure it out. Then, it’s a matter of how fast he can get here.”

“Then, why stay here? Why not drive to the next town?”

The light changes and the van moves forward. With another yawn, she says, “It’s a gamble. Everything with this dude is a gamble. Right now, I’m hoping that when he shows up, he’ll think we’ve already fled and won’t spend much time here. I had a reputation for being methodical and predictable among the other researchers. My intent is to use that knowledge against him.”

I nod at her words, though I’m scared she’s wrong. He’ll be here in a few hours, and with me here…

“What about the tracker?”

She shoots me a glance as she comes to another stop light. What’s with all the stoplights in this town?

“We don’t know if there is one. Like I said, everything is a gamble. But even so, I expect we’ll be gone before he gets here.”

That confuses me. First, we’re staying. Now, we’re leaving? “And that’s good, right? Because as long as we keep away from him, he has to spend the project funding.”

She nods.

It’s a start, but I want to end this sooner. “When I… destroyed all their equipment at the cabin, that helped speed things up, right?”

She nods and adds, “where are you going with this?”

I don’t know yet, so I shrug. “Just… reminding myself of what we’re trying to accomplish.” And distracting myself from what just happened.

Thankfully, we reach the other motel not long after that. We bump into the parking lot and Ethel parks the van. She goes inside the small office to confirm our reservation. Did she have a reservation? My fingers play with the handle on the top of my backpack. There are several hours of night remaining. If I left now…

Before I can pursue that thought, Ethel returns and drives us the few feet to our rooms. She turns off the car and we all get out. Ethel unlocks a door, points at it and says, “You, Chloe, and Kate.” The door to its left she unlocks and enters. I softly close the van door and glance at the stars above. The others hurry into the rooms, out of the breeze and toward warm beds. I lag, my eyes caught between earth and sky. “Coming Max,” Chloe asks.

“In a moment. I’m enjoying the stars.” She looks at me, at the sky, then touches my shoulder. “Do you want some company?”

Her blue eyes catch the light of the night sky and send it to me in soft blue glimmers. There’s a question in the way she stands, in the way her fingers linger on my shoulder. “Thanks,” I say with what I hope is warmth. “Just need to clear my mind before returning to bed.”

Fingers trail down my arm to my hand where they curl around my fingers in a light squeeze. “Need to talk?” she whispers.

I shake my head and look away before those blue glimmers capture me. “Maybe once I’ve sorted this out,” I say and focus my eyes again on the stars.

“Come in when you’re ready.” The fingers are gone and a door closes softly.

I lean against the wall near the door, pack in my hand and my recent thoughts racing through my head. Kill the truck driver. Destroy the motel. Who or what are next?

“You should go,” a voice near me says and I jump with a soft yelp. Lynn stands near me. How did she get there? “Go, before you hurt sis and Chloe.” Her voice is back to the hardness she used the first night.

“Why-”

She steps close, into my space, and glares at me. “They already killed her once. They won’t hesitate to do it again! It’s better for everyone if you leave.” She’s talking about Chloe! A blood splattered porch blooms in my mind.

Fingers take my hand and she presses objects both soft and hard into it. Her face softens a little as she does this. “Take these,” she whispers, “And go. Drive north, away from here. They won’t look in that direction… at least the probability is extremely low. We’ll be fine… better with you gone. No more accidents. I won’t worry about something happening to them with you around.”

Her face is so serious as she glares at me. I look at what she placed in my hands: money and keys. “It’s all I have, but it should help you. That way you won’t have to…” It looks like a hundred dollars or more!

“I don’t know-”

“It’ll come back,” she interrupts. “Just start the van and you’ll figure it out.”

“Why should I listen to you? Why do you want me to go?”

Starlight glitters on the tears in her eyes, which I only now notice. “You killed the driver and you destroyed the motel tonight. They don’t want to talk about it, but I do! You’re… you’re just as uncontrollable as her! One of us has to face that and take care of it. If it’s me…” She angrily swipes her hand over her eyes.

“I know you were already thinking about leaving,” she hisses. “You’ve wanted to leave ever since you… brought her back to life. Go. I’ll… I’ll cover for you.”

Her eyes are as blue as her sisters’, but unlike Kate’s, hers glow with a fierceness I can’t imagine in Kate’s. She stands with a determination, unwavering in her glare.

Leave.

Go.

Everything is clicking together. And just like that, my decision is made. With a touch to her shoulder, I give her one final look, climb into the van and throw my pack on the other seat. It takes a moment to start the engine and she’s right. When my hands grab the steering wheel and gear shift, I know what to do.

Her eyes follow me as I back the van from the spot; two pinpoints of glinting hardness in the night. Next to her, the motel doors stay closed. Once I turn the van around, I no longer see them, but I feel them. I pull onto the street, choose a direction that seems like North and turn.

It takes me a while to make my way from town, mostly because I don’t know where I’m going. Thankfully, it’s a small town and after a few wrong turns, I figure out which signs to look for and follow 101 North.

When the lights of Gold Beach are behind me, I relax and my breathing flows smoothly. Now… to find Doctor Smith and end this. Break his funding. Or break into his office.

Thoughts about the possible unknown tracker in me flit through my mind along with memories of today and other days. If there is a tracker that will speed up my causing him trouble. He’ll find me. The thought scares me, but I handled myself ok last time. I’m sure I can do it again. I think.

The purples and blacks of the night mask the forest on either side of the road. In open stretches, moonlight glints off the ocean to my left, though usually it’s hidden by hills and trees. No other cars pass me, and I see neither headlights nor taillights as I drive through the early morning. Only my thoughts and the noise of the road keep me company. There’s a radio, but right now I want the silence to think.

And my thoughts aren’t pleasant ones. Filled with hurtful things about myself and others, unleashed by the nightmare that destroyed the motel. I hate leaving Chloe and Kate. The thought squeezes my heart. I had to go! It could have been Kate or Chloe or Lynn. What if I hurt one of them next time? That’s why I had to go. The words do little to lessen the ache and I don’t really believe them.

The last scenes at the cabin, blood splattered on the porch, blood soaking the road, join those thoughts. Doctor Smith killed to get me. He’ll kill them again if they stand between me and him.

The thought of keeping Smith away from my friends is more believable. It helps loosen my chest and shoulders. I lean back, the driver’s seat a firm comfort in the dark world I traverse.

Those thoughts keep me focused and the miles roll away behind me. I drive until the sky to my right gains an orange hue. As I go around a sweeping bend in the road, I spy an open area to the right of the road. I slow the car as I approach. There is bare earth without bush or tree for several hundred feet and I pull the van off the road.

The van stops in the middle of the open area. Trees loom at the edge, a dark wall of life between me and the world. I turn off the engine and close my eyes.

Nothing.

A few birds call faintly in the distance.

Surf crashes softly against rocks.

No voices. No cars. No engines.

Before sleep can take me there, I open my eyes and pocket the keys. Sleep pulls at my mind, but I can’t sleep in the drivers seat. After locking the doors, I crawl into the middle of the van. I find a pack of clothes to use as a pillow, and I still have my hoodie for a blanket. I lay on the floor of the van, my head cushioned by the pack.

My eyes close and I push the thoughts from my mind. They come crowding in again despite my efforts. After several minutes of that, I turn my mind to a more productive activity: remembering how happy Chloe and Kate are together. Their happy smiles send me to sleep.

I must protect them. At all costs.

Fallen trees cover the ground all around. Broken, shattered, their trunks burst into long slivers that litter the earth. A chill breeze, heavy with the scent of the ocean stirs the few shrubs that cling to the exposed soil. A nothingness surrounds me, disturbed only by the faint rustle of a light breeze in the shrubs. There are no animals, no people talking, no birds crying overhead. Nothing.

In the midst of the ruin I stand; its nothingness presses me. It’s an open wound that refuses to heal, instead bent on being fouled and infected. As if to emphasize that, I see scattered amongst the trees and shrubs bodies in various states of decay. Human and animal alike, they lie twisted and broken. Their stench is heavy and wet as it clings to me.

“Welcome to your legacy,” a voice filled with terrible joy says from behind me.

I turn to find Her standing there. Of course it’s Her: my double that tormented me the last time I slept. “Where am I,” I ask though the location name pops into my mind of its own accord.

“Where you found your true calling,” she says, “where it all began.”

“Why am I here?”

She steps close and raises her hand toward my cheek and I step away. “Don’t touch me,” I hiss as I raise my hands to block her.

Her face splits into a smile that is disturbing. “Oh Max,” she pouts, “don’t you love me anymore?”

“How could I love a person that delights in taking the life of others?”

“We had so much fun together!” Her face turns hard and she steps so close our noses almost touch. “And you liked it! You reveled in it!”

Her words make me shudder and I rub my arms.

“He saw that part of you and perfected it,” she whispers. Her tongue passes over her lips as she speaks.

“As far as I’m concerned, that part of me is dead.”

“Oh, so naive,” she pouts again. “You can’t be rid of me that easily. I am you, after all.”

“I will never be you!”

“No, you won’t, probably. But that won’t be a problem. As long as this exists,” she gestures to the ruins around us, “your guilt lives and grows. It weighs on you. While it exists, I exist.” Her face goes to the side of mine and she whispers into my ear, “and I grow powerful. You won’t be a problem much longer.”

A powerful shaking pulls me to a form of wakefullness. I peer through bleary eyes at a hazy green shape, the memory of ruins and death fading into the cloud of passing sleep. “Good, you’re awake,” a voice harshly says. “I’m fucking pissed and so are your girlfriends!”

The world snaps into focus and I find Ethel stooped over me. I’m in the van, laying on the floor and my body aches. “Wuh?”

Ethel makes an unkind noise and leaves the van. I sit up in time to see Chloe turn to follow her, a glare on her face. Kate stands outside, her face pulled down in sadness. “Why’d you leave?” she whispers.

My mind is too foggy to form an answer. I shrug instead and pull myself out of the van. She steps aside, hands clasping herself. The bright light of day assaults my eyes and I squint as I look around. A small car is parked behind the van.

“Max,” Kate hisses in my ear. “Why… why didn’t you talk to us before leaving?”

The words I want to say won’t come and I can’t look at her. Or at Chloe who perches on the hood of the car. Behind her, through the glass, I see Lynn in the backseat, her face blank.

“I-”

“No,” Kate interrupts. “I’m too upset to talk about it right now! You hurt us! After we opened ourselves to you and tried to make you feel safe. Just… I can’t talk right now.”

She storms past me and sits on the trunk of the car where she faces away from me. I really screwed this up.

“Where are the keys,” Ethel asks as she rounds the van. I dig into my pocket and hold them out to her. She jerks them from my hand and goes to the driver’s door. I shake my hand, fingers raw where the metal scraped them.

My eyes fall on Chloe. A lit cigarette is between her lips, smoke wafting upward. When she see me looking, she pushes off the hood and walks to me.

“Why’d you run,” she asks. Her tone is hard and drives home what I did.

“To keep you safe,” I say sadly.

She nods. “That’s what I thought. Dissolving the motel kinda freaked you out. Why didn’t you talk about it?”

My eyes wander again to Lynn, but she’s no longer in the car or looking at me. Instead she’s on the trunk talking to her sister. “I… don’t know.” I shift my eyes back to Chloe. “I’ve wanted to leave ever since the cabin.”

“Since you took down the Doctor. What happened?”

Blood on the ground, blood on the porch. Smoke and dirt and sweat and yelling voices. Death. “Too many things. Am I… am I in trouble?”

She tilts her head at my question and starts to laugh. It dies after a second or two. “Shit, you’re serious. No, Max, you aren’t in trouble. We’re not your parents. We’re your friends and we’re hella pissed, but we’ll get over it.”

“Stop making excuses for me!”

“What?”

“I’m a dangerous person. Last night… that could’ve been you or Kate.”

Realization dawns in her eyes and her cigarette drops from her mouth. “Shit! You think-” She cuts herself off to find and grind out her cigarette.

My hands worry my clothes. There are words that want to burst from me, but when I open my mouth, nothing comes out. “Chloe,” I manage to choke and she steps closer. “You and Kate… you keep treating me like… like I know what I’m doing, but I don’t.” That’s as far as I make it.

She looks at me, head tilted to the side, eyes flicking back and forth. “Don’t you? You’ve had your memories back for a couple of weeks now.”

My eyes fall to the ground and I toe a loose rock.

“Ok,” Ethel yells and claps her hand. “We need to get on the road. Take the rental back and figure out what we’re doing.”

I shake my head. “I’m not going.”

Both Ethel and Chloe look at me with mouths open. “Why the hell not,” Chloe demands.

“You take the cars and head back. I’m… I’m going to find the Doctor and end this before you get hurt again.”

“No!” Chloe’s jaw is set and there’s a gleam in her eye I don’t recognize. Maybe former me would. Her sharp word draws Kate’s attention and she slips off the trunk and walks toward us.

“You keep treating me like I know what’s going on, and… I don’t. All I know is that I don’t want anyone else to get hurt because of me.”

Head exploding. Blood spraying the air.

Shouts of Max Effect.

“I… don’t want you to come with me. I’m going to find the Doctor and convince him to stop this.”

“It won’t work.” Lynn’s quiet words hit the air before the others can speak.

“I agree with Lynn,” Chloe says. Kate and Ethel both nod. The latter adds, “can we get in the cars and head back to Gold Beach? We can discuss this there.”

Frustration wells within me and I screw my eyes shut. The words I need to say won’t come, and they can’t see or acknowledge reality. “No!” The frustration explodes from me in that single word and my clenched fists raise into the air.

“You aren’t seeing things how I do! I’m not… I’m not. Gah!” My cheeks are wet as I try to get the words to form so they understand. “I don’t want to go back and I don’t want you coming with me!”

A light touch on my arm, there then gone, makes my eyes flutter open. Chloe has stepped close, her face softened into a smile. “Ok,” she whispers, “ok. We won’t make you come with us. Walk with me?” She nods her head toward the trees that stand so close to us.

I nod and follow her as she walks toward them. “Don’t leave without us,” she calls over her shoulder. Ethel says something I don’t catch, and I’m sure I don’t want to know.

She walks, her shoulders loose and arms free, like she’s been in this place before. Her mismatched hair is no longer the clean cut of a few weeks ago. It does its own thing, going every which way.

When we can’t hear the others, she stops and leans against a tree. “Ok, Max,” she says slowly. “What aren’t we noticing?”

Again the words won’t come. They sit on the edge of my mind taunting me. I feel like I stand upon a tightrope with no safety, the words teasing me from the far end.

I copy her and lean against a tree. Its bark is rough and hard through my clothes and I step away from it. How can she do that?

I guess a repeat of things I’ve told them is all I can do. “I’m not your Max,” I slowly say. When I pause in an attempt to collect my thoughts, she says, “I know you aren’t.”

“You know… but you treat me like I am. You act like I’m a fully functioning person, when I’m not. I’m a stranger to myself and all of you are strangers to me. The few memories I have confuse me more than help me. Every moment, I expect my world to fall apart and it scares me, more than I can say.

“Much of what I’m doing is… an act, responding to how I think you want me to be. And… imitating you and Kate. I don’t understand any of it! All I understand is I’m dangerous and that the longer I’m around you, the more danger you’re in!”

She watches me as I speak, her eyes following me as I pace between two trees. “So the other night in bed, that was all an act?” There’s a dangerous edge to her words that I don’t understand.

“Kind of…”

“Fucking hell!” With that outburst, she storms off into the trees. My heart sinks as I watch her go. This is one thing I do understand. She misses her Max. When it doesn’t seem like she’ll come back, I follow her.

Smoke leads me to her. The scent of her cigarette is a sharp contrast with the pine and other forest smells. She’s leaned against a tree, her back to me. I pause to consider her and what the other Max would make of the scene. But that thinking eludes me.

I step close to another tree, careful to leave plenty of space between us. Even then, her displeasure presses against me and I have to focus on something else to keep my heart from racing.

“I… I’m sorry,” I whisper. “I should have told you sooner.”

“It’s not your fault,” she says, surprising me by speaking. “I bet you were scared to tell us, me.”

“Yes,” I whisper and keep my eyes focus on the cracks and seams of the bark I stand by. After another moment, I say, “you confuse me… I don’t mean the things you say or do… I think it’s things I know without… knowing.

“There are times where I know who you are better than I know myself, and I don’t understand it. Other times, I look at you and feel your emotions, but you’re a stranger. I can tell you want or need or expect some response, so I try my best, because…”

The words are coming now, but I don’t want to say them. I don’t want to hurt her. “Because I’m scared that if I don’t do what you expect, you’ll send me away. I’m barely hanging onto myself and every moment I’m scared you’ll figure out I’m fake, a charade.”

“So when I say you aren’t her, that really fucking hurts you, doesn’t it?”

She takes another drag on her cigarette, burning it to the end. A moment later the smoke escapes into the air while she crushes the butt. “Yes,” I whisper, watching to see how she accepts my answer.

Chloe leans her head back and stares into the sky. The silence between us is soon filled with the sounds of the forest. I give her as long as she needs. “You were scared to tell me the truth,” she slowly says, her eyes on the sky above. “I think… I’m too… intense, so driven by losing you… by what you… she – fuck! I don’t know the right words! I wanted Max back with us so badly that I didn’t stop to really consider what you needed. And then when we had to get Lynn…”

She straightens and looks at me. “I fell into big sister mode with her, because that’s what I’ve done the last few years. The fact you were lost and being flooded by memories you didn’t understand was pushed away by my happiness you were back, and because I gave too much time to Lynn and Kate. I’m sorry, Max. I really fucked this up.”

I shake my head at her answer. “No, Chloe. You didn’t. I don’t begrudge the time you spend with them. I don’t… I don’t expect anyone to help me with this, because I don’t even know how to help me with this.” Before saying the next part, I take a few breaths, then step to her side.

“What I do know, is you and Kate and Ethel and even Lynn have shown me a kindness I don’t understand. I don’t want anything to happen to you. That’s why I need to be far away from you. That’s why I need to stop this mess before it gets worse.”

“And there’s no way in hell I’m letting you do that by yourself!” Her words are soft yet firm. “I lost you for three years and when I got you back, I lost you again. I don’t want to make that mistake a third time. I’m coming with you.”

I open my mouth to complain, but something about her stance stops me. And another thought occurs to me. I have no idea where I’m going nor how to get there. I need a navigator. “Ok,” I whisper. “You can come.”

A smile spreads slowly across her face at my words, but it lacks her normal brilliance. She stands in silence, her eyes fixed on mine and I yearn to know what she’s thinking. Words fail me again, and I let my eyes drop to study my shoes.

“How… how can I help,” she whispers.

“It’s too much to expect of you,” I answer, my heart in my throat.

“Tell me anyway.”

“I’m not your Max and don’t know if I ever will be. I’m… me and I don’t know what that means. My memories are incomplete and aren’t mine anyway. Don’t… don’t think of me as her, as the person you used to be and know, even when I do or say things that are her. I need you to see me… as me, without any association with her.”

A silence falls between us when I finish. It’s heavy and presses against me. Moments become minutes and it’s smothering and constricting and oppressive. I’ve screwed this up again. I’ve asked for what she can’t give and ruined everything.

Bands wrap around my chest and pull tight and I can no longer breath. I turn to leave, to be crushed into the nothingness that I am, but a hand stops me. “Don’t go,” she whispers and I shudder.

She draws me to her, wrapping me in her arms and scent and presence. “It’s not too much to ask,” she whispers, her breath stirring my hair. “We’ve done this for each other before, though you might not remember. When you were… around ten you wanted to be called Max. Your parents said that was a boy’s name didn’t want to. Kids at school gave you grief. But you stuck with it, and I stuck with you. We can do it again.”

Her words worm their way through the bands around me, forcing their hold to loosen. Great shuddering gasps wrack me as I struggle to breathe and feel and hope all at once. My arms tighten on her and my hands clutch her jacket, pulling it as I struggle to let myself be.

We stand like that in the forest and she never lets go though I shake in my attempts to believe what she says. Her arms never falter, nor her words of support that she whispers. At long last, the words seem real, feel real, and I can believe them. And still I cling to her, caught up in a sense that if I let go everything will become an unreality and I’ll be back where I started.

But at last, with a gentle word from her, we let each other go and step away. The world doesn’t end, nor does the gentle smile she turns upon me. “Max and Chloe versus the world,” she whispers with that smile.

I nod, then give her a quick kiss on the cheek. “Thank you,” I say and turn my eyes away at my brazenness. She chuckles warmly.

“Was that because you wanted to, or because you thought it was expected?”

After a moment’s thought, I look at her and say, “because I wanted to.”

“Good. Those hope for you yet, Caulfield.” She thumps me lightly on the shoulder and says, “Now, I believe there is a car trip in our plans for today. Girl bonding time!”

“What does girl bonding time mean?”

She takes me by the arm and we begin our walk back to the road. “Oh, you know: chocolate, bad romance comedy movies, boys. That kind of stuff.”

I look at her incredulously and she bursts into laughter. “Ok, ok. Punk music, bad diner food, sleeping under the stars, stuff like that.”

“That’s better.”

She tells me more funny things as we walk, some make me laugh while others make me groan. From her grins and tone of voice I know she particularly likes the latter. We arrive at the roadside with me in a much better frame of mind. I have my own smile as we near the cars.

Lynn notices us first and frowns slightly. Before she can speak, Kate rushes to us. “Are you… is everything ok,” she asks breathlessly.

“Yup,” Chloe says before I can. “Max and I are headed North while the rest of you go South.”

Kate’s face hardens as Chloe gives her the news. Ethel approaches in time to hear Chloe’s answer. “Wait!” she exclaims. “What happened to splitting up always being a bad idea?”

Chloe splutters and then goes silent. “Let’s talk,” Kate says and gently takes Chloe’s hand.

I watch them walk several feet away. Lynn watches also, shaking her head the whole time. “We need to leave,” she whispers.

“Where do you need to be,” I ask her, curious about her behavior.

“Anywhere but here.”

I have no response to that. Next to me, Ethel looks ready to go. She stares at Kate and Chloe, her face hard and brows lowered. A momentary temptation to switch to the stillness, take the keys and leave claims me. For a moment I waver, uncertain whether I should give Kate and Chloe time to talk or take matters into my own hands.

In the end, our choices are changed. A low sound draws my attention to the North. An object flies through the air along the route of the 101. “Shit,” I hear Lynn whisper. “It’s too late.”

“What is that?” I ask.

Ethel turns and adds her own swearing to Lynn’s. “Cars, now!” she yells and runs toward Kate and Chloe. I’m transfixed by the odd thing in the air. It seems to hover now, it’s pointy end pointed right at us. At me.

Lynn steps next to me and watches the object as it hovers in the near distance. “Do you know what that is,” I ask her.

“Everything is about to change,” she whispers and there’s a tone to her voice I’ve never heard her use with me: soft and warm. She turns and stands partially in my view, her eyes searching mine. I’m surprised to see the hint of a frown on her. “For you. I’m… I’m sorry, Max. You don’t deserve any of this. Everything’ll be ok, eventually.”

“What?” Her words confuse me even more than what’s happening. Fingers brush the back of my hand, Lynn’s fingers. She looks away at my glance, a slight reddish tint to her cheeks.

“You’ve one chance.” Her words are still warm, but now distant and low.

Over her shoulder, and between her and the object, a bit of blue flutters in the air.

“Don’t look at me,” she whispers. “Watch the drone.”

I turn my eyes back to the object, deciding it’s the drone thing she mentioned. How does she know what a drone is? What is a drone?

The object has moved closer and I can now make out details. It reminds me of a small plane. Behind it vehicles rush into sight, blocking the road. They zoom close to us. I spin to flee when I see more vehicles behind us. We’re surrounded!

The vehicles screech to a stop only a few feet away, gravel and other debris flung forward into a billowing cloud of dust by their sudden stop. People pour from them, all in dark uniforms with helmets and visors that hide their eyes. A cacophony of shouts fills the air as commands are issued. In a few moments, the uniformed people surround us in a tight, but wide ring.

With a pounding heart, I back away from the commotion and shouting and guns and dust. My heel descends on someone’s foot and I stop, arms shaking. An arm goes around my shoulders and a head leans close. “Breathe,” Chloe whispers. “It will be ok, just breathe.”

Like she says, I take a deep breath and close my eyes.

When I open them, the trees and people and vehicles and voices have disappeared. My eyes readjust and refocus as the light changes to reveal a large mirror mounted over a sink. Staring at me in the mirror is a blue-haired woman wearing a pixie cut. Freckles are scattered across her face and her blue eyes blink rapidly.

It’s a look I perfected over the last few years. Well, not the lipstick smeared across my chin instead of my lips. The look is in tribute to her, the woman who gave herself so others could live.

My fingers tighten on the lipstick tube as the rest of the motel room comes into focus around me. The focus lasts only a moment as my eyes tear up. She’s gone. Again.

The year is 2018.

I’m in a motel in Arcadia Bay.

Chloe’s been dead for five years now.