The moment Steph got downstairs, she did a little dance. She felt absolutely euphoric and like her heart was about to burst in the best possible way.

   Alex kissed me! She fucking kissed me! Holy shit, she’s an amazing kisser, fuck… Steph touched her lips, sending little shocks through her body. She turned around and looked up the stairs with a smile, barely able to believe what just happened actually happened.

It was kind of disappointing that she had to go back to the festival and the trailer, it was tempting to just stay here and wait for Alex. Or to rush back upstairs, although Steph wasn’t sure her heart would be able to handle it.

Wait… Does this mean that Alex…? Does she really like me? Steph bit her lip as she walked to the door that led down to The Black Lantern. She was so deep in thought that she nearly missed a step, but caught herself just in time. Her heart complained by pounding almost painfully in her chest.

When she finally got down, her head perked up as she heard a familiar song playing softly, bringing a grin to her lips.

“Kiss up and shut me,
Kiss up and shut me,
Oh, I bet you want me, baby,
I’ll let you flaunt me, baby”

It was the song she’d picked when she and Alex played the jukebox game, which Alex had won, as she had guessed right. Steph was still impressed Alex had been able to figure out which song she had chosen, despite it meaning she had to drink the bedazzled kiwi schnapps.

Steph walked out of the bar with a smile so wide that it made her cheeks ache, but it didn’t bother her. She was too busy reveling in the aftermath of making out with Alex. She walked back to the park and before she walked onto the sandy path she turned around. Steph looked up and saw Alex standing on the rooftop, facing the lake, lips forming a smile. Seeing Alex like that made her chest warm and tingly all over again, she’d nearly forgotten how it felt to truly be in love with someone.

Once Steph got back inside the trailer, she put her headphones back on and took a deep breath. As tempting as it was to declare to everyone who was listening that she just made out with her crush, Steph figured it wasn’t something everybody had to know. Besides, she wouldn’t say something like that on-air without Alex’s explicit consent.

As much as she enjoyed playing music and watching the others enjoy the festival, after a little while Steph started to wonder if Alex was coming back. She took her phone out of her pocket and saw that half an hour had passed. Relax, Gingrich. She’ll come back, maybe she just needed some time to herself. 

Little by little people left and the festival grew more quiet and empty. Steph couldn’t deny the pang of disappointment she felt, as well as the anxiety that started to flare up. It made her wonder if she’d just imagined things and maybe Alex didn’t feel the same way about her.

As almost everyone had left the festival, lights turned off and leftover food packed away, Steph felt worse and worse. The pit in her stomach became heavier and was nearly unbearable. She was hoping it was just that Alex was extremely exhausted and fell asleep, without thinking to text her before passing out.

“Don’t freak out, Steph. She wouldn’t ghost you like that.” With a sigh Steph closed the door of the trailer and locked it, pocketed the keys of the trailer and headed out of the park. Once she walked onto the pavement and faced The Black Lantern, she looked up. The string lights on the rooftop were still on, as well as the lights in Alex’s apartment, so it was very likely Alex had simply passed out.

With another sigh she dragged herself to the small space she was supposed to call home. She’d never really done much to the place, as it had been the plan to move out of Haven Springs eventually. Those plans had all changed when Alex came into her life, she had a reason to stay, though the desire was still there. And then, earlier tonight, she asked Alex to come with her. She’d been a nervous wreck while she waited for Alex to join her on the rooftop, pacing nearly endlessly until she heard the stairs creak, indicating Alex was about to reach the rooftop.

As Steph thought back, her lips curled up into a wide smile. She felt her cheeks burn and her heart race in her chest when she remembered the way Alex had kissed her. The way Alex had gotten up to her tippy toes and held the back of Steph’s neck and side of her face, their lips parting to grant each other’s tongues access. Steph felt so euphoric, her hands on Alex’s sides stretching only to then grab onto Alex a little tighter. It felt like her heart was going to leap out of her chest from pure joy, radiating warmth throughout her body. The fact that it had left her breathless hadn’t bothered her in the slightest. She’d been sincere when she’d told Alex that she meant the fucking world to her, because she really did. 

Steph figured she’d text Ryan to ask if he’d heard anything from Alex, just to calm herself down. She fished her phone out of her pocket, unlocked her screen and hit the messaging app, tapped Ryan’s name and started typing.

It was silly to think Alex would’ve texted Ryan but not her, which was only proven when Ryan informed her that he hadn’t heard anything from Alex either. He also told her that he was going to sleep and would text Alex as soon as he’d wake up in the morning.

When Steph locked her phone’s screen again and put it back into her pocket, she had reached her apartment. After taking her keys out of her other pocket she leaned her forehead against the door and closed her eyes. Please be okay, Alex…

When Steph startled awake, she checked her phone right away. No notifications from Alex, sadly. The time indicated it was a little after six, which was ridiculously early, even for Steph, especially on a Sunday. Her heart was racing in her chest, despite her attempts to calm herself down. She’s probably still asleep, calm down, Gingrich. Steph let out a deep sigh and unlocked her phone, the chat with Ryan still open. Instead of texting him, she decided to call; she knew he’d be awake already.

“Wow, Steph… It’s barely six in the morning, on a Sunday! Are you ok—?”

“No, Ryan. I’m kinda freaking out… Have you heard anything from Alex yet?”

“Sorry, Steph. I haven’t, so you haven’t either, huh?” She could hear him let out a sigh and she could tell Ryan was now starting to worry as well.

“Nope. She was supposed to meet me at the festival again, but she never came back. That’s not like her, Ryan.”

“It really isn’t… Maybe she fell asleep?”

“I really fucking hope so… You don’t think she—she wouldn’t have gone to those old mines by herself… Right?” She desperately tried not to absolutely lose her shit, which was far from easy right now.

“I hope not, I’ve told her how dangerous it is out there.”

“Fuck,” Steph hissed as she hit her knee on the bedside table. With her phone pressed against her ear with her shoulder she attempted to put on a clean pair of pants, only to nearly trip and fall as her toes got stuck in the tear on the knee.

“Steph? What are you doing? Are you alright?” Ryan sounded legitimately worried and Steph let out a heavy sigh. The tear was now larger than it had been before, but she didn’t have the capacity to care about something so trivial.

“Y-yeah, hold on. Just trying to get dressed, let me put you on speaker.”

“Okay.” Steph put her phone down and hit the ‘speaker’ button. “All good?”

“Yeah, much better.” With much more ease this time, Steph put on her pants. She grabbed her sports bra that was haphazardly thrown onto the back of the chair last night and put it on, followed by a clean, dark gray shirt. She didn’t bother with a beanie, instead she quickly put on socks and slipped her feet into her gray-brown boots. She tied the laces quickly, but securely and stood up again. “Okay, all done. Can you meet me somewhere? Or can I come to you? I think I’m about to lose my mind.” Steph didn’t even bother to try and hide the desperation in her voice. Her gut feeling was strong and it wasn’t a good one. Something was off.

“Yeah, I’m quickly hopping in the shower right now. Should be done by the time you get here.”

“Awesome, see you in a bit.”

Steph hung up and put the phone in her pocket. She looked around and quickly grabbed herself a granola bar, just to have something to give her a bit of energy she felt like she was gonna be needing today. After grabbing her keys and putting on her jacket, she left the apartment and locked the door.

Steph couldn’t remember the last time she’d walked this fast, she was almost convinced it was a record. Even if it was merely a personal one.

By the time she got to Ryan’s place her breathing had become labored. She leaned over in order to catch her breath, then finally knocked on the door.

“Will be there in a minute!”

Steph bit her lip as she started pacing again, a poor attempt to keep her mind occupied. Needless to say, it didn’t work. All kinds of different scenarios went through her head. Her anxiety flared up more and more, threatening to evolve into a full-on panic attack.

“Sorry, come in.”

Steph gasped as she got startled by Ryan, which went to show how far she’d been lost in thought.

“You’re quite jumpy, damn Steph…” He held out his spread arms and Steph let herself be wrapped into a hug. Although she’d never say it out loud, she couldn’t deny that Ryan was an amazing hugger.

“Thanks, Ryan.” Steph let go of Ryan and followed him inside, sitting down on the small couch as he closed the door. Her leg started bouncing almost immediately, only pausing when she took out her phone once again. There still weren’t any notifications from Alex, it was now close to being seven in the morning.

“Coffee?” he asked and she nodded, then shook her head, then nodded again. “Decaf?”

“Yeah,” Steph replied absentmindedly. Caffeine wouldn’t do her any good right now, most likely. “Yeah, decaf sounds good.”

“Coming right up,” Ryan said and walked to the small kitchenette where the coffeemaker was.

“Okay, so… What if she really went there by herself?” Steph thought out loud. “Why wouldn’t she tell us? And why wouldn’t she wait until morning?”

“I could call and ask my dad?”

Steph blinked several times, then turned to face him. She was kind of perplexed that she hadn’t thought of that yet.

Steph sagged down, her eyes still closed, and let out a deep sigh. Her gut feeling that something was wrong was growing stronger and stronger. Jed hadn’t seen Alex and said there was no response when he knocked on Alex’s door either.

“I’m just confused,” Ryan said, “it’s hard for me to believe she’d go down to the mines by herself without letting anyone know. And I really don’t think she’d leave you hanging like that.”

“She wouldn’t,” Steph said resolutely. As much as her anxiety tried to tell her that Alex would, she knew, deep inside, that Alex wasn’t the person to do that. “Something’s wrong, Ryan.” She looked at him and was met with an expression that nearly matched her own, though his was more cautious.

“Should I call—”

“Typhon?” Steph snapped, “No. Fuck those guys.” When she met Ryan’s eyes again, she instantly felt bad. “Fuck, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to snap at you…”

“Hey,” Ryan said softly, moving closer to Steph and wrapped an arm around her shoulders. “I know we’re both worried, but we gotta try to keep a clear head.”

Steph buried her face in her hands, her nails pressing into the skin at her hairline. “I can’t just sit here and—” She rubbed her face and sat up a little straighter, “Fuck!” Steph took her phone out of her pocket again, looked for Alex in her contacts and hit ‘call’. The dial tone kept going, but no response.

Ryan grabbed his phone and tried to call Alex a few moments after Steph hung up. Each of them tried multiple times, to no avail.

“I just keep hoping that you’re wrong…” Ryan muttered, he sounded pretty defeated. “That nothing’s wrong and maybe she lost her phone and it died…”

Steph nodded, she really hoped for the same, but deep down she knew that wasn’t the case. When the desperation really hit, she took the D20 dice out of her pocket and held it in the palm of her hand.

“You brought your dice?” Ryan asked, genuinely surprised. Steph shrugged, not quite sure why she’d brought it either. “Might as well give it a shot, right? So: is Alex okay?”

Steph bit her lip and felt tears building up as she threw it onto the small coffee table. Both of them remained quiet as the dice stopped and the number five was facing up.

“Okay, let’s just try again and message her.”

Steph almost snorted in response, because if Ryan was trying to convince either of them that everything was fine, he was doing a piss poor job. He didn’t sound convincing in the slightest.

She decided to humor him and unlocked her phone’s screen again. After some tapping, she pulled up the group chat with Alex and Ryan.

Both of them sent messages and waited. A minute passed, no response. Five minutes passed; still nothing. After nearly fifteen minutes, Steph put her phone back into her pocket and stood up.

“That’s it. I’m going there, Ryan. I’m going to find her.” Steph wiped her cheeks to get rid of the tear tracks. Her jaw was tense as her teeth were gritted. Her hands were balled up into fists and her mind was made up.

“Steph, that’s ridiculous! How can you even be sure she’ll be there in the first place?”

They all looked at the map that laid on the coffee table, Ryan pointed at the location where RHEA would’ve taken place.

   “That’s the site of the 2008 Typhon mine collapse…” Ryan said and looked at Steph with a confused expression.

   “ Wait, they set off a blast in their current mine to cover up a blast in their old mine?” Steph brows furrowed as she gritted her teeth when she really started to realize how vile Typhon was. Clearly they didn’t even care about the possibility of someone dying, instead they had been more worried about their, clearly illegal, RHEA being discovered. It put an extremely bad taste in her mouth and made the feeling of unease increase tenfold. 

    “That shaft was exhausted years ago, there’s nothing left to dig up. What could possibly be down there that’s so important to them?” He looked from Steph to Alex, hoping either of them maybe had an idea.

    Alex shifted and repositioned herself further back on the couch, then looked from Steph to Ryan. “Typhon just had to pass a bunch of inspections at the old site, didn’t they?”

    “Yeah, so?” Ryan replied with a shrug. 

   “So I don’t think they were digging something up… They were burying something.” 

   Steph wasn’t sure what to say, but she felt like Alex was right and that scared her. What could Typhon possibly be trying to hide that made it okay to risk people’s lives for it? An intense feeling of dread settled in the pit of her stomach. Whatever it was, it couldn’t be any good, that much was certain. She looked up at Alex and could see the anger and determination in her eyes, with such an intensity that Steph decided she never wanted to piss the other woman off. 

   “Steph? Hey, you with us?” Steph shook her head and quietly apologized. “You okay?” Alex’s voice was comforting, gentle. The edge that was in it just a few moments ago had disappeared completely. 

   “I mean… I guess? No? Yes?” She let out a heavy sigh and rested her head into her hands. “I have no fucking clue… Typhon is fucking vile and I wish—” 

   “Hey, I know.” Steph looked up at Alex once more and saw that same look in her eyes. “Me too. But we’re gonna figure this out, one way or another.” 

   “We just gotta be careful,” Ryan said, causing both Steph and Alex to look at him. “Typhon is a big company, they’re not just in Haven Springs.” 

   “Man, fuck Typhon!” Steph growled and got up. “They gotta pay for what they did, they fucking killed Gabe!” 

   “Technically they didn’t dire—” 

   “Ryan, please don’t.” Steph tried to focus on her breathing, but when she saw the expression on Alex’s face she felt regret. Regret for losing her cool, knowing Alex more than likely picked up on it. How could she be so stupid and forget about that? Besides, it was Alex’s brother. She had more right to be upset than Steph did.

   “Steph, you have just as much right to be upset.” Alex had risen to her feet and was now holding out a hand, lingering above Steph’s shoulder but hesitating. Steph offered a small nod, just a second later Alex’s hand rested on her shoulder and squeezed reassuringly. “We all do. And we will find out what they’re hiding. For Gabe.” 

   Steph forced a small smile and nodded in agreement, “For Gabe.” 

    Steph looked Ryan straight in the eyes after turning to face him, “Because Alex is that determined. Look, I don’t know what happened after I left to return to the festival…” She took a deep breath and unclenched her fists, feeling how her nails had left imprints on the inside of her palm. “But something must’ve happened that made Alex go there by herself.”

“There’s nothing I can say that’ll change your mind, is there?” When Steph shook her head, Ryan sighed and stood up as well. “I was afraid so.” He walked away, leaving her behind in confusion.

Before Steph could ask about it, she saw Ryan return, with a backpack hanging on his arm. “You’re not coming with me, you gotta stay in case—”

Ryan held up his hand after setting down the backpack, stopping Steph mid-sentence. “I know, Steph.” He hunched down and reached into the backpack, removing a pair of binoculars, a small box of seeds and a notebook.

“Are those… Are those bird seeds?” Steph asked as she pointed at the small, clear box.

“Yes. I like to keep them in there in case there’s small birds to feed.”

“I shouldn’t even be surprised,” Steph replied with a snort as she shook her head.

“Is that a bad thing?” Ryan asked, looking from the box in his hand to Steph and back.

Steph shook her head again and put a hand on his shoulder, grinning. “Nah, you’re all good, Bird boy.”

“Bird boy—?”

“Yes, now wanna explain to me why you grabbed your backpack?” Steph asked, her brows raised questioningly.

“You don’t think I’d let you go there without proper preparation, did you?” Ryan set the backpack onto the coffee table and looked around. “You’ll be needing some stuff, for the both of you. If Alex really is down there.”

“She is.”

Ryan walked around the apartment, gathering things, completely ignoring Steph’s comment. “You’ll need a flashlight, rope for sure…” With the rope in his hand Ryan looked over at Steph, clearly thinking about something. “I did show you the different knots, right?”

Steph worried her lip as she began to panic. Ryan had shown her, but she couldn’t remember for the life of her. There had been so many different ones, they all meddled together. Apparently he picked up on her worrying, he walked over to her and gave her a questioning look.

“You can’t remember?”

“I’m sorry, okay?! There were so many different ones!”

Ryan didn’t give her the chance to completely freak out, he put down the rope and placed his hands on her shoulders. “Steph,” he said, “calm down, it’s okay. I will show you what you need to know. It’ll be the basics, but they’ll be what you’re probably gonna need.”

Steph nodded and let out a deep breath, her shoulders relaxing a little bit and the tension in her jaw lessening. “Okay, show me.”

Steph couldn’t for the life of her remember most of the knots’ names, but she did her best to remember the ones Ryan pointed out to be very important. One of those was what he called ‘the prusik knot’, which he explained to be one of the most useful ones. Steph paid close attention to his hands and mimicked him with the rope in her own hands.

She lost count of the amount of times she grew frustrated with herself when she messed up, but Ryan remained patient and calm. Every time she made a mistake he’d calmly stop her and show her again how to do it correctly. She wondered how he did it, but was extremely grateful that he was so patient, it definitely helped a lot.

Once she got the hang of what Ryan said to be the most important knots, he demonstrated how to tie a Swiss seat. At Steph’s confused expression he laughed and clarified it was basically a harness, which made a lot more sense to her.

It took all of her focus to keep up with Ryan and not mess up, but just like with the knots he was patient and they did it a number of times. It took about six tries before she was comfortable enough to try it herself without Ryan demonstrating. When she was about to mess up she paused, looked at the rope in her hands and thought for a few moments. As she remembered the next step, she continued, rewarded with a proud expression from Ryan.

When Ryan decided he was satisfied, he made her tie some of the knots again to check if she remembered them correctly. It took a bit of time for Steph to recall the steps, but managed to tie them without messing up once. As Ryan gave her two thumbs up she jumped up triumphantly, doing a little victory dance.

“Well deserved,” Ryan chuckled, nodding approvingly, “you did great. I think you’ve got this, Steph.”

“I fucking better,” Steph replied with a snort, trying not to think too much about the weight that was on her shoulders. Both my and Alex’s life depends on it…

Ryan grabbed some more things and stuffed them into the backpack with careful precision. Rope, leather gloves, carabiners, and piton anchors. She saw him also put in a rolled up bundle of cloth, which he clarified to be a first aid kit. Two full bottles of water, some granola bars and some other stuff. Once he finished, he pulled the cord and tied it, then fastened the flap and gave it a gentle pat.

“Okay, now that’s out of the way.” Ryan set his hands on his sides and looked Steph up and down. “It could be cold down there, are you sure that’s enough?” he asked, nodding to indicate he was referring to her clothes.

Steph nodded and took a deep breath, a desperate attempt to calm her nerves. “It’ll have to be. Besides, I’m used to Seattle weather, remember?” The chuckle she let out was shaky, giving away her nervosity.

“Listen, Steph…” Ryan paused and thought for a moment while he looked at Steph. “Just… Please be careful?”

When Steph met his eyes, she saw how worried he truly was. A lump formed in her throat, making it hard for her to speak. A million thoughts raced through her mind, but none of them made their way out of her mouth. So instead Steph wrapped her arms around her friend and held tightly onto him when he hugged her in return.

“Come on, I’ll drive you there.” After another couple of seconds, Steph let go of Ryan and wiped at her eyes in a futile attempt to stop the tears.

“Thanks, Ryan.” Steph put on her jacket again, then secured the backpack onto her back. “Okay, let’s do this.”

Neither of them said anything for most of the ride, the only sound that kept the silence at bay was the radio and the sound of the engine. Steph just kept thinking of all the possible scenarios, although this time it was with purpose, in the hopes of being able to mentally and emotionally prepare herself the best she possibly could. There was no way to predict where exactly, or how she’d find Alex, what state the other woman would be in. And as much as she hated it, Steph forced herself to prepare for the worst. Or at least, she attempted to. After losing her mother, then Gabe… She honestly wasn’t sure how she’d continue on if Alex… Stop it, Steph. Don’t think that way. She can’t be! Alex has to be alive! 

As she looked out the window, trees flashed by in a blur. The sky was still dark, stars the only source of light in the early morning sky. Steph thought of what brought them here and it left a sour, acid taste in her mouth. No words could describe how furious she was at Typhon, and then she remembered Diane worked for them. And I flirted with her… Fuck, gross. She squeezed her eyes shut as she forced herself to think of something else, anything but Typhon or Diane.

She thought of the previous night, how Alex had met her on the rooftop and the kiss they had shared. Steph had been so ridiculously nervous; mentally begging for Alex to kiss her, as she didn’t want to force herself onto Alex. She remembered how her skin had formed goosebumps all over when Alex’s lips met her own.

When the truck slowed down, Steph sat up a little straighter, her teeth gritted. No matter how hard she tried, her mind kept going back to Alex. The woman had come to mean the fucking world to her, in the time they had gotten to know each other better and better. Steph was scared, but not scared enough to keep her from attempting to find Alex. She was more than determined to get to Alex, wherever she was, and bring her back home.

That’s when it struck Steph; she called Haven Springs ‘home’ without any hesitation, and meant it. Although there wasn’t really time for her to dwell on that thought right now. She had a mission ahead of her.

The truck’s engine went quiet as the truck came to a stop, allowing the darkness to return in the absence of headlights.

“So,” Ryan said as he sat back and turned to face Steph, “this is really happening, huh?”

“Yup.” Steph turned her head to look at Ryan, only keeping eye contact for a few seconds. She couldn’t bear to see the dread and fear in her friend’s eyes, as she couldn’t allow herself to be affected by it.

“I wish I could leave the truck here, but—”

“Ryan, we went over this already,” Steph interrupted, “I’ll figure out a way to get us both back home safely. I’ll carry her if I need to.” When she looked at Ryan she could see a doubtful look in his eyes, but he didn’t say anything. “If I’m not back before the meeting starts, just… Just come up with an excuse why I’m late.”

“When should I start to get worried?” Ryan asked, then scoffed, “I mean, I already am, but… You know.”

Steph let out an extended sigh and rubbed her hands over her face in frustration, not at Ryan, but at the situation as a whole. “Well, if I’m not back by three, you should probably be worried.”

Ryan nodded but didn’t speak, and they sat in silence.

After about a minute Steph took a deep breath and lifted the door handle, opening it. “Alright, I’m gonna get going. Every minute I sit here—I need to find her.” She grabbed the backpack and got out of the truck. Once the backpack was securely on her shoulders and back, she leaned down and looked at Ryan. “You know your part of the mission?”

“I’m going back, asking if anyone else has seen Alex after you two met up last night and message you with any info.”

Steph nodded in confirmation, then waited for Ryan to continue. When he didn’t, she rolled her eyes. “And?”

“And what?”

“Keep an eye on Diane.”

Ryan let out a nervous chuckle and gave Steph a thumbs up. “Right. I will be like a hawk, or a raven.”

“You can be whatever bird that fits, just keep a close eye on her, okay?”

“You can count on it, Steph. Please be careful, okay?”

Steph swallowed with effort and nodded slowly, her hands balling up into fists. Now the realization of what she was about to do really started to kick in; no wonder Ryan thought she was out of her mind.

“I’ll try my best.”

Steph closed the door and looked at Ryan through the window. “Thank you, Ryan.” He gave her a thumbs up and turned the key in the ignition, causing the engine to come back to life again.

Steph watched the truck until it disappeared from view, let out a heavy sigh and turned around. Time to find Alex. She wrapped her hands around the shoulder straps of the backpack and held onto them tightly. “I’m coming, Alex. Please just hang in there…”

After a few moments her eyes had fully adjusted to the darkness and Steph set off to find the old mine. She was glad she had put on her boots this morning, as sneakers wouldn’t have been the most ideal footwear, surely. It was kind of sad that she couldn’t really appreciate the environment, if only the situation hadn’t been so awfully dire.

The sound of small rocks and pebbles crunching underneath her soles was like thunder, due to the fact that it was the only sound in the eerie quiet. Steph realized she didn’t hear any birds or other signs of life, which was unsettling to say the least. Even when she lived back in Arcadia Bay, no matter the time of day, or night, there was always something to keep it from being completely silent.

Thankfully it started to become a little less dark as time went on, making it easier for Steph to navigate where she was going. There was a flashlight in the backpack, but she figured she’d be needing it later on if she’d have to go inside the mines. The idea terrified her, but the idea of Alex being in there, all by herself, terrified her even more.

Who knew what Alex had found, or what exactly had happened. Maybe she simply didn’t have any service, or maybe her phone battery had died. Alex could’ve lost her phone, there were so many possibilities that it nearly dizzied Steph. She simply couldn’t wrap her head around Alex going out here by herself, without notifying anyone, it seemed very unlike Alex. Though Steph admitted to herself that she hadn’t known Alex for all that long, which caused her anxiety to flare up. Did she even really know Alex?

Stop it, Steph! Focus! She kicked and sent some small rocks and pebbles flying ahead. Her heart was hammering in her chest and her brain wouldn’t stop spewing all kinds of possible doom scenarios into her mind. In a desperate attempt to distract her mind, she opted to count the big pebbles in between the smaller ones on the path.

As the path became rockier Steph gritted her teeth but didn’t complain. She felt like she didn’t have the right to. The path took up a bit more of an incline, which made walking a little less effortless. So much so that the wind chill didn’t even seem to affect her. Thank goodness she’d put on her jacket this morning, or she wouldn’t have lasted very long, most likely.

The sky became lighter and lighter, making it easier for Steph to see. She felt her heart beating faster in her chest as the rocky cliffs came into view, meaning she was officially too far in to turn back. No fucking way, Steph. No more running. Her strides became bigger, her pace faster. No matter what she’d face, she wasn’t going to run from it. She’d been running for years, but that never really fixed anything anyway.

“Mom?!” Steph’s throat felt tight, she was barely able to form any words. Even breathing was hard, her ears rang as her heart was pounding and her blood rushed through her veins. She knew full well she was having a panic attack, but there was no way she could possibly control this one. 

   “The whole town is rubble! It’ll hit our house soon! I’m taking shelter, but… I love you, okay?” 

   “Mom? Mom!” Steph choked as she heard the connection being broken and was met with sudden silence. Tears were streaming down her face uninterrupted, she’d stopped attempting to wipe them away. Her breathing became more erratic and her chest felt incredibly tight. Despite that, a scream worked its way out of her, piercing the silence. 

   Her head hurt with such an intensity, it felt like her skull was about to split. Her eyes were swollen and sensitive from crying so much. Steph knew she had to try and focus on getting her breathing under control, but she was struggling more than ever before. 

   She laid down on her bed, the softness of her sheets and covers a tiny comfort. The music that was playing went by unnoticed, until a song came on which Steph recognized. Suddenly the lyrics hit her much harder than usual. 

“But is it heaven up there?

Is it heaven up there?

Is it heaven up there?

‘Cause it’s hell down here”

Unlike her mother, Steph wasn’t religious. She didn’t believe in heaven or hell, or some higher entity that ruled over humanity. Her mom had been raised catholic and was utterly convinced heaven existed. If it came to it, Steph hoped her mom would end up there, for her mom’s sake. 

   It felt like someone had punched into her chest and attempted to take her heart out, squeezing it hard in the process. Suddenly she thought of Chloe, who had lost her dad when she’d been fourteen years old. Steph had never really been able to fully understand what it was like. Until now. The anger, the hopelessness… It felt all-consuming. 

   “Maybe… Maybe she’ll be okay…” Steph muttered in between sobs. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t get herself to believe it. Despite the fact that she didn’t understand how, somehow Steph could feel that she wouldn’t see her mom again. She felt utterly hollow, although the tears kept coming regardless. Steph pulled up her legs until her knees were underneath her chin, wrapped her arms around them and cried herself to sleep. 

With gritted teeth Steph pushed the memory away. She didn’t have time for this right now. “Alex is alive, I know it. She has to be.” Just for a moment Steph stopped walking, took off the backpack and grabbed one of the bottles with water out of it. After taking off the cap, she set the bottle to her lips and drank some water.

Once the backpack was on her back again, Steph continued walking ahead. With every step that she got closer to the rocky cliffs her heart started beating faster. Her hands started to become clammy, despite it not being all that warm. The sinking feeling in her abdomen didn’t fade; if anything, it intensified.

The path was now nothing but a rocky surface, lacking trees. Steph remembered clearly what Ryan had said: “Be careful of where you put your feet, it’s a really old mine shaft. The surrounding area might be unstable.” 

Again Steph took the backpack straps off her shoulders and set the backpack down, opening it to grab the rope and the pitons that would be the anchors. She tied the rope around her like a harness, just like Ryan had showed her and had her do it until it was perfect.

Once she had everything secured, she inhaled sharply. She walked closer to the edge, trying to fight the anxiety that was bubbling underneath the surface. Luckily the drive to find Alex was a lot stronger, which was pretty much what kept her going. The adrenaline was starting to build up, though Steph reminded herself to not lose sight of the risks. The goal after all was to find Alex and get both of them home, safely.

“What the fuck…?” Steph muttered. As she got to the rocky edge of a mine shaft, she noticed the wooden planks that were supposed to close it off were broken. With extreme caution Steph got a little closer to the edge, looked down and was met with pitch darkness. She took a few steps back and looked around, searching. When she found a rock that fit in the palm of her hand, she grabbed it and stepped forward again. Steph closed her eyes as she stretched out her arm, taking a deep breath. As she opened her hand, dropping the rock, she opened her eyes and waited. She waited and waited, listening.

“Fuck me,” Steph muttered and let out a deep sigh. She made her way back to where she’d put the backpack and took out the flashlight. As she got back to the ledge, she turned it on and pointed it down. It had quite a big reach, but not nearly far enough. Steph squinted as she looked down into the depth, all she could make out was, what seemed to be, more wooden beams. Some of them were also broken. Her heart was hammering in her chest, her blood rushing so much that she could hear it.

After taking several steps back, she turned off the flashlight and held onto it tightly as she felt her knees buckle underneath her. She bit down her lip hard as tears started to well up in her eyes, the reality that Alex was without a doubt injured kicking in.

“Fuck, Alex!” At the last moment, Steph stopped herself from throwing the flashlight down. She was going to need it, for sure. “I’m—I’m coming, Alex… I’m going to find you, no matter what. I won’t run anymore, I’m done running.”

A few minutes passed and she wiped away her tears, gritting her teeth and standing up. The flashlight was returned to its place in the backpack, she took out the pair of leather gloves and put them on. She curled her fingers several times to get used to the extra layer on top of her skin.

Steph put the backpack onto her back once more, taking a deep breath as she faced the direction of the mine shaft. With more pitons in her hand, she removed the one she’d put in place earlier, then moved it closer to the mine shaft.

She double- and even triple checked everything, making sure everything was secure. Steph had rock climbed before, but the stakes hadn’t been this high. Lives literally depended on it.

After taking several deep breaths, she grabbed the rope and carefully climbed down the ledge. Chills went through her as she lowered herself little by little, her feet against the wall of the mine shaft as she did. The air was undoubtedly cooler and only continued to cool more as she descended little by little.

Her anxiety was there, but she managed to keep it under control. She focused on her movements and the rope, paying extra attention to where she placed her feet.