“Her soul is a kaleidoscope

Bursting with every shade and hue

But shift your gaze ever so slightly

And she’s something entirely new.”

-Erin Hanson 

Max’s phone buzzed on the dusty hotel room nightstand where she remembered placing it the evening before. It was right where she left it; still plugged in so the device could charge, set on top of some generic hotel novel. As she lifted her head from her pillow to see who was calling, she realized she must have fallen asleep against her mother in the bed. She gently moved the woman’s arm from its position and pushed herself up a bit.

She noticed the time on the cheap, plastic alarm clock, which was also on the nightstand. It was 3:11am; way too early to be taking a phone call. Plus, she didn’t know who could possibly be calling her at this hour.

As she pulled the device closer to her face, she once again saw CHLOE’S CELL displayed. Her heart dropped the way it had when William called the day prior. Even though she knew it was most likely him, her thoughts bounced around in her head between different memories she shared with Chloe, mainly texts they had sent one another. At one time, Chloe had proposed to Max over text. At least in her head it seemed to be a little more than just a joke.

“H-hello?” Max hesitantly grumbled, still half asleep yet mentally provoked. She was tired yet alert at the same time.

“Max!” William’s voice eagerly echoed in Max’s ear causing her to momentarily move the speaker away. “This isn’t real. You have to believe me. This life. This world. This… this reality. You don’t belong here!”

Max was shocked. She could feel her heavy eyelids widen; eyebrows raised on her forehead. She wanted to respond to the man, but words were tough to locate at that moment. A jumbled slew of incoherent thoughts leapt around her mind. Of course, she knew she was in an alternate version of her original timeline, but to hear the man confirm he was aware as well; her heart sank in her chest. It felt all too real and simultaneously impossible.

“Listen to me. You are not the first one, but you have to regain control of your power. Get the hell outta here, Max! And when you leave, you have a big task ahead of you. You must tie the loop together. It’s broken now and only you have the power to fix it. Please!”

“Huh? First one? Loop? What kind of test?” A plethora of intangible ideas bubbled through her mind. After only a few sentences from William, Max’s brain was twisting in knots.

“It’s the only way, Max. You have to figure out how to convince yourself to save…”

Suddenly, the phone dissolved in her hand like wet sand. She shot up in bed, body trembling and eyes frantically searching the still darkened room. She heard herself struggling to catch her breath. Airy inhales were followed by deep exhales. Her chest arose then descended over and over again.

Another. Fucking. Dream! I can’t do this anymore! 

Exhaustion was taking its toll. Her entire psyche felt like it could shatter into a million fractals at any moment. Like a kaleidoscope, she suddenly could see a hundred or more realities. All of which were different versions of herself and Chloe doing various things.

One involved an AI named Molly helping them find their way through a futuristic world. Another was a version of herself speaking with Chloe in some jail cell in California. Still another, involved her meeting a friend of Chloe’s named Steph before a concert. Somehow, she knew the band’s name was The High Seas, and she and Chloe were good friends with all the members.

Max grabbed her own head with both hands near her temples. She shook away the invasive thoughts until only the idea of her best friend remained. It took her several minutes to catch her breath and unravel her reeling mind, focusing on and grounding herself in the present.

William’s word choice was eerily recognizable. Someone else once told her nearly the same thing when she was in Idaho, early during her search. The main difference was the gypsy’s words were not cut off the way William’s were in her dream.

“You must figure out how to convince yourself to choose your Boonoonoonoos over everything else,” the old woman said after flipping over Max’s final card. There was an empathetic desperation in her raspy voice. “I’m just a messenger, Young Girl. But a glimpse into your past and future troubles me deeply. All I can tell you is to stay true to yourself and your original reality. The love of your life won’t be found elsewhere. For lack of a better phrase, you are the chosen one in a sea of potential versions of yourself. You must close the loop, Dearie.”

The gypsy’s words faded from her mind.

Wait. This isn’t my true reality. That’s the truth. 

She curiously recalled the figure in the window from the first night she met the Voodoo Man. Despite not being able to see the woman because of the time of day, something about the gypsy seemed similar. Their voices sounded different in her mind, but both women certainly displayed the same energy and spirit.

What the fuck is happening to me? All I know is I won’t find Chloe here. I gotta go! Now.  

Max pushed the bedspread away from her body and slung her legs over the side of the bed. Placing both feet on the floor, she stood and trudged towards the bathroom. Her mother was still asleep, and she had no intention of waking her. But if the woman did happen to get up, Max didn’t care.

Inside the bathroom, Max closed the door and locked it. She twisted the sink knob to turn the cool water on, then she cupped her hands and splashed a tiny pool on her face. The cooling sensation helped to soothe her weary mind.

Get a grip, Max. You have nothing to prove in this reality. Fuck that Voodoo Man! Remember, everything you do is for Chloe. It’s the highest truth. Nothing else matters. 

Max wiped her face with a hand towel and gazed at herself in the mirror. Her brow was creased from intense focus. She recalled failing to rediscover her rewind a couple of years ago, but that didn’t cause her heart to waver. She knew what she had to do and was willing to push beyond her limits to get back to Chloe. It was all that mattered anymore.

She reached out her hand and shut her eyes. From muscle memory alone, she knew there was a trigger point somewhere in her mind, like a button. During that fateful week in October, Max could easily locate the spot and figuratively press it– causing the rewind to pulse from within her. Now, she didn’t even know where to begin.

Where is it, Max? Find it! 

She dropped her hand and lifted her eyelids, frustrated. The reflection in the mirror displayed a different version of herself that she truly didn’t recognize. Sure, her features were all the same, but the girl who looked back at her seemed hollow and foreign. Waving her hand in front of her face, Max tested the reflection just to make sure it was her.

How did you find the rewind in the first place? Remember, Max! Go back. 

Instantaneously, she thought about one of the most painful moments she had ever experienced; the very moment her rewind was unlocked.

“Get that gun away from me, Psycho!” Chloe’s familiar words clawed at Max’s heart. The gunshot echoed, thundering through her head. She had experienced that moment twice, but the one she focused on was the first– when she stepped from behind the partition at the last stall.

“No!”

A tiny trickle of blood trailed down from Max’s nose, dripping into the hotel sink in front of her. Her head felt like it had been splitting open with a mallet; like she was one of those watermelons Gallagher would smash open at his shows, spraying the first few rows with the fruit’s innards. Her father used to love the comedian. They would watch old recordings of his shows when she was a little girl.

“Ouuuch…” she grimaced as she reached up to wipe the sticky scarlet liquid above her top lip. She smudged it away with her fingertips and turned the cool water on, splashing it on her face once again to rinse it away. After twisting the knob to shut off the water flow, Max stretched out her hand again.

“Get that gun away from me, Psycho!”

Max held the memory close. As painful as it was to relive, she continually rewound the moment in her mind for clarity.

“Get that gun away from me, Psycho!” BANG!

She began to fill with anger.

“Get that gun away from me, Psycho.” BANG!

She rewound the memory again.

“Get that gun away from me, Psycho!” BANG!

FUUUUUUCK! 

Hatred for Nathan tore into the recesses of her mind.

“Get that gun away from me, Psycho!” BANG!

The pain of losing her favorite person caused misery and heartbreak to bore a hole deep into Max’s soul once more.

“Get that gun away from me, Psycho!” BANG!

AHHHHH!!!! 

Shock and regret scraped and slashed her heart.

“Get that gun away from me, Psycho! BANG!”

Suddenly, she felt the pulse inside her. A forceful current rippled through her body like a capacitor, storing energy until it was ready to be released. The spot had been located and her power was being released. It wasn’t leaving her body yet, but she knew she was filling up with more energy than she could control.

SHIT! 

Briefly, she looked into the mirror, and her entire soul felt invigorated. Instead of a petite brunette with freckles gazing back at her, she saw blue hair and a beautiful face that could only belong to one person. Lightning bolts crashed through the reflection’s irises.

Oh, Chloe. My entire heart… 

Brightness seemed to spill in from around the mirror, illuminating the room until it was overflowing with light, enveloping everything in sight.

The door creaked open and a single bar of light, no more than a couple of inches wide, shined directly across Max’s eyes causing her to wake.

“Max,” her mother called her name from the other side. “Good morning!”

“Wake up, Sweetheart,” her father also spoke.

Her parents nudged the door open further, stepping into her room.

“Today’s the day!”

Max rubbed her eyes and transferred her weight in the bed. She blinked a few times to get used to having them open again after sleeping. “Mom? Dad? What… what’s happening?”

Vanessa eagerly remarked, “It’s the BIG day, Maxine! You remember. Check your phone. They said they would send a text to let you know if you got in.”

Max looked over at her dad, confused. His eyes were wide, and his thumbs were twiddled with restlessness, folded in front of his large torso. He was as eager as her mother, if not more so.

The girl reached for her phone and unplugged it. She brought it closer to her face and saw a text from a number she didn’t recognize.

“Blackwell, Sweetheart! Did you get in?”

Max waited for a second and took an airy breath. “I’m nervous, Mom. What if they don’t want me?” Max heard the words coming from her mouth, but she didn’t feel like she was saying them. However, she knew she once had.

“You’ll never know if you don’t check,” her father explained.

Max sat up and opened the text.

The first word read, “Congratulations…”

Max couldn’t help but scream, overjoyed that she was accepted.

Through tears, Vanessa handed Max a gift bag that she must have been hiding behind her back. Inside, was a new journal and a pen.

Ryan laughed as he spoke. “We figured you could start a new journal for this new chapter in your life. We know how you like to jot down your thoughts.”

Panic ran through Max’s mind as she sat on the edge of the bed watching a younger version of herself and her parents during the day she was accepted into Blackwell on a scholarship. She looked down at her open palms, which were translucent. She could see through them to the messy bedding beneath.

What the hell is this? Am I a… a ghost?! Did that rewind fucking kill me? 

“We’re so proud of you, Maxine,” Vanessa finally applauded, causing the girl to jump out of bed and wrap her arms around the couple.

“Let’s leave her to her journal and let her officially wake up, Hun,” Ryan urged. “Max, come downstairs when you’re ready. We have breakfast for you.”

Max’s parents left the room as she sat on her bed and began to write in her journal.

 Fuck. I remember this day. 

“Hey, Max, can you see me?” she asked the seventeen-year-old who was sitting cross-legged on top of her bed, just beginning to write. After a few moments of no response, she attempted to touch the girl on the shoulder. Her hand passed through like she wasn’t even there.

Damn. 

Max slid up close to the girl and observed her writing in the journal.

July 10, 2013 

I GOT ACCEPTED INTO BLACKWELL ACADEMY 

If words could dance this would be a rave. Even though I’ve never been to one. But who cares because I GOT INTO BLACKWELL ACADEMY, a unique and famous private school for seniors! NO KIDS ALLOWED! I didn’t think I would be so excited since it’s not like I didn’t used to live in the same town. But when I saw the text from the Blackwell scholarship office, I could literally feel my pulse speed up. 

I thought it was going to say, “Sorry! Thanks for playing!” It took me a few seconds before I read the whole thing. I guess I wanted to enjoy that last moment of blissful ignorance. And when I saw the first word “Congratulations…” I think I screamed. 

My mom cried, and my dad laughed. They’re so weird. But they’re happy and this means extra financial support because they don’t have to pay anything to Blackwell. This means new clothes, and if I can work it a new laptop. 

Oh, and I have to keep telling myself in caps I AM GOING TO BLACKWELL ACADEMY. 

As the girl continued to draw a backpack and school supplies in the bottom right corner, Max saw the excitement on her face. She remembered that genuine, hopeful feeling. It felt like her life was finally beginning. And even if she didn’t write it in her journal at first, she remembered her heart fluttering knowing she would reunite with Chloe. She missed her so much. At that time, it was a confusing mixture of worry and yearning. She didn’t yet know that she was in love with her best friend, but she knew Arcadia Bay was where she was supposed to be.

God, this feels like a lifetime ago. Young me, optimistic and cheerful. Ignorance truly was bliss. 

Max attempted to speak with her younger self multiple times, though, she was unable to communicate. She even tried to move other objects around the room but couldn’t. She realized she was able to sit on the bed, so there must be some sort of logic to her form. Max once tried to align her body with her younger self, wondering if she could assume control. But that attempt failed as well.

A new thought occurred to her. She had spent two years searching for the bokor so she could find her rewind once more. Apparently, she had accomplished that goal because of him. In a sick way, his game turned out to be what she needed.

Max wasn’t sure what the Voodoo Man was up to now, but she was certainly going to figure everything out. With Chloe on her mind and in her heart, she was confident she was on the right track.

Leaving behind multiple fake, alternate realities, Max knew this felt different. This was, no doubt, her original reality. It was just several years in the past. This time, she wasn’t directly experiencing her own point of view, but rather this sort of side view. She could sense time moving forward at a regular rate all around her, and she knew this was her original timeline. Somehow, she also realized she wasn’t dead.

That rewind felt stronger than any before. Maybe I accidentally threw myself out of the timeline. But what now? 

She wondered what the rules were in this form. If she couldn’t directly interact with the people or objects around her, what was her purpose here?

Max walked to the door and passed through to the hallway, then she walked back inside. It seemed her experience in this form wasn’t limited to being in her younger self’s presence. She half-expected there to be a barrier like with a photo jump, but apparently, there wasn’t.

Hmmm… If I’m not here to physically change anything, maybe my purpose now is to gain information by observing. 

She considered her options. If nothing else, she knew every action began with a decision. There was always a choice. She could hang around and watch herself from an outside perspective, which might help her gain a new understanding of what she went through. Or she could leave and observe others, maybe helping her see things from their perspectives.

To her, the choice was clear. She figured it was the most selfish decision she could choose, but she didn’t really care. She hadn’t physically seen her partner-in-time in years, and this was her opportunity to see her again. Not through memories or false realities, but to see her in-person. The thought alone made her heart speed. Even if Chloe couldn’t see her, she would be able to be around her punk; maybe gain context.

Then, an abrupt twinge of morality tugged at her heart.

Don’t be stupid, Max. You can’t do that. Wouldn’t spying on Chloe be the absolute worst thing you could do? She deserves her privacy, after all. 

Her inner voice was right. This current form was going to be tricky. She didn’t want to hang around her younger self, as she already knew her own story. She didn’t want to spy on Chloe, though her heart desperately wanted to be around her. She didn’t know what to do. It would take a little more time for that decision, and Max knew her next action would certainly have consequences.