“So, so you think you can tell
Heaven from Hell,
Blue skies from pain.
Can you tell a green field
From a cold steel rail?
A smile from a veil?
Do you think you can tell?

And did they get you to trade
Your heroes for ghosts?
Hot ashes for trees?
Hot air for a cool breeze?
Cold comfort for change?
And did you exchange
A walk on part in the war
For a lead role in a cage?

How I wish, how I wish you were here.
We’re just two lost souls
Swimming in a fish bowl,
Year after year,
Running over the same old ground.
What have we found?
The same old fears.
Wish you were here.”

-Roger Waters (Pink Floyd), Wish You Were Here

December 2013

“Maxine.” Vanessa spoke loud enough for her daughter to hear her through the closed bedroom door. She kept her voice tender hoping not to trigger the girl. “Can we chat? I miss you, Sweetie.”

“Go away, Mom.” Max’s tone was stern but not harsh.

“I haven’t seen you come out of your room in over twenty-four hours. Your father and I are worried about you. Please. Just talk to me.”

Vanessa heard the girl on the opposite side of the door shift her weight in bed. Her mattress wasn’t old, per se, but it certainly wasn’t new. The springs audibly squeaked a bit when jostled in the slightest.

She listened as two feet hit the carpeted floor with a thud. Several steps grew in volume as Max approached. The door was then unlocked and slightly pulled open; two blue, blood-shot eyes peeked from the crack.

“There you are.” Vanessa’s heart broke, seeing her only child’s meager appearance. Dark circles encompassed her half-opened eyes, and her cheeks and nose were rosy from wiping tears.

Max didn’t say a word, she only stared back at her parent. Finally, the freckled girl sulked back to her bed, laid down, and covered up, leaving the door still marginally ajar. Vanessa pushed it open further and followed behind. She stood above her swaddled teenager, working up the proper words to relay to her.

“You need to eat, Honey.” Vanessa regretted saying it as soon as the words left her lips. It wasn’t her intention to seem aggressive or demanding at that time. “I know you feel like the world has crashed down around you, and in some ways, I guess it has, but you have to move forward.” She regretted that part too.

From the fetal position, and under the covers, Max withdrew, twisting around so her back faced her mom, head turned away. “There is no forward. Don’t you see that?”

“Maxine, you are so young. You just turned eighteen a couple of months ago. You have plenty of life left to live.”

“No. There’s nothing left. Not without Chloe.”

Vanessa had already spoken to her daughter several times the last couple of months, attempting to gage her emotions and help her through the loss. She, too, had lost people she loved in the past, so the woman understood grief; at least to an extent. Staying busy and moving forward kept her sane, and she hoped she could similarly convince her little girl to do the same.

“Everyone grieves differently, you know. When someone we love is no longer in our lives, we hurt. It’s difficult, certainly.” She sat on the edge of the bed, reaching out and placing her cold palm on the lower portion of Max’s nearest leg. “Let’s go do something. Just me and you. Ice cream or Chinese food, or a walk in the park? Anything you want. Oh, or… maybe you could call Kristen or Fernando.”

“No.”

Vanessa didn’t know what to say anymore, but she knew she had to do something quickly. Depression ran deeply in their family; she experienced her own mother’s battle with it her entire life. She did not personally understand that particular level of misery, but it was clear that darkness could completely eat a person until only a shell remained. Unless they found something to cling to during the toughest parts, it could end very badly– which terrified the woman. A way forward and something to reach for seemed to be the best way out of the gloom.

“Well… just…” She searched for the words but they still wouldn’t come to her. “I…” What could she say to motivate her child during the lowest point of her entire life? “What I mean is…” Still nothing.

Max sighed then fully pulled the covers over her head.

Suddenly, the middle-aged brunette felt a burst of anger building inside of her. She rarely lost control, but this felt different. An instinctive motivation sent over the edge.

“Stop feeling sorry for yourself! Look, Chloe is dead. That’s a fact. Yeah, it isn’t fair; not at all.” Vanessa shook her head. “It’s such a terrible, horrible thing to have happened to a young lady in our lives. But do you think Chloe would have wanted you to be down in the dumps like this forever? No way! The Chloe I remember was always pushing you to try new things, bringing you out of your shell. You were always so confident with her around. Even though it concerned me and your father, we always knew it was the best thing for you in the long run. There’s no chance in hell she would be happy with you lying in bed and crying over her for the rest of your life. I’m sorry, but THAT isn’t fair to HER! She’s gone; you are here. Live your life FOR Chloe, Maxine.”

Max promptly pulled down the covers, turned her body, and faced her mom. She untucked her arms and ran fingers from both hands through her messy hair. A look Vanessa hadn’t seen in what felt like forever appeared on the freckled girl’s face. It gave her hope.

“Maxine?”

Max took an airy breath then scooted herself to an upright position. She turned her head towards her mom and abruptly wrapped her arms around the woman, nearly diving from her bed.

Vanessa’s breathing hitched. This time, it was the older of the pair that began tearing up. She tried to secretly wipe the moisture from her eyes on her shoulder but wasn’t sure she could hide her own emotions at that point. She squeezed back and let herself sink into her daughter’s embrace. It felt warm and comforting. Fond memories of younger versions of the mother-daughter pair played through her mind.

“You’re right, Mom,” the girl whispered from the side, voice crackling from recent lack of use. “Thank you.”

Vanessa smiled, not really understanding exactly what happened. But it didn’t matter; she was simply overcome with joy, and she was thrilled that the mood was shifting. Optimism permeated throughout the room, which was more than she could have hoped for only moments prior.

They held each other for a while; neither wanting to let go of the other.

After several minutes, Max pulled away. “Mom, I need to shower. Then we can eat.”

Vanessa nodded, not wanting to question anything for fear of messing up whatever was happening.

“I have a new purpose now. I will find Chloe again. No matter what it takes.”

It may not have been exactly what Vanessa wanted to hear, but it was a step in the right direction. Max had a new sense of hope – she could deal with that. It was a good start.

“Oh, okay,” Victoria chastised as she followed Vanessa into the hospital room. “SHE can call you ‘Maxine’, but I cannot? This sucks.” Her eyebrows were angled down, and the features on her cherub face seemed scrunched towards the middle as if she were angry. Max knew it was only a façade, though. Surprisingly, she found it charming.

“We were so worried about you!” Max’s mother released her daughter and returned to her feet. “How do you feel, Sweetheart?” Vanessa helped collect the empty food containers and utensils, then she swiveled the overbed table to the side.

Max wasn’t sure how to respond, at first. On some level, the individuals in front of her were from a reality that didn’t exactly exist. And despite her own feelings seeming complicated at the moment, she wanted so badly to find her best friend again. Until she could navigate through the Voodoo Man’s labyrinth of confusion, she needed to make the most of her situation.

The Voodoo Man brought me here for a reason. I just don’t know why… yet.

“I’m good, Mom,” Max reassured. “I just wanna get out of here. Can you help me with that?”

The woman rubbed her on the leg, near her ankle. “From what I hear, that’s up to you, Maxine.”

“Mom, I know this probably isn’t the time, but can you call me ‘Max’ from now on? It would really mean a lot to me.”

Victoria giggled. “HA! Not just me anymore. Take that, Vanessa Caulfield.”

Max’s mom shrugged following the girl’s taunt. “Sure, Max. Anything you need.”

“Thank you.” Max looked back and forth between her mother and Victoria, trying to figure out what to say next.

“Victoria, will you excuse us?” Vanessa requested, bobbing her head towards the door.

The blonde sighed then exaggeratedly rolled her eyes. “You want me to leave so you can have a mother-daughter moment? I got it, I got it. Guess I’ll go back to Blackhell. Mr. Jefferson wanted me to meet him afterhours for a personal photography lesson, said he can teach me to get my work noticed without my parents’ help.”

Oh, fuck! Jefferson! He’s… he’s alive and still at Blackwell in this reality. FUCK!

A thorny sense of panic prickled through Max’s body. A jumbled memory of syringes, a bunker, and being tied down rolled through her mind. She shifted uneasily as she tried to figure out how to approach the situation.

I can’t contact David. He’s a damn bus driver here. Shit.

“Au revoir, Babe.”

“No, Victoria! You can’t! I-I don’t know how to say this… so I’ll just say it. You HAVE to stay away from Jefferson. He’s bad news. You have to! Please, just trust me.”

“Oh, Max,” the tallest of the trio smirked in response. “You don’t need to be jealous. Though this side of you is pretty cute. It’s only for my career, nothing more. I promise.” She sarcastically placed her palms together like she was about to pray while nodding. “Even though I’m sure he wants me.”

“Godamn it, Victoria! Just listen to me!”

“Maxine!” Vanessa scolded. “Watch your language.”

Max shook her head.

Should I even care what happens in this place? It’s a fucking dream world. I just need to get Chloe back!

…You think she’s worth all that?

Another thought crossed Max’s mind as it did before; like a future version of herself briefly taking control.

“Don’t worry, Max. I know everyone is on edge since Kate went missing. First, Rachel Amber earlier this year, now that Bible-thumper. I’m not worried, though. Jefferson said he would meet me tonight and make sure nothing bad happens. He will protect me. I trust him.”

Kate is missing now?! No. I can’t. Even if this world isn’t real, I can’t let THAT happen to them!

Max knew she needed to think of something drastic to convince her friend from getting drugged and potentially murdered. “Victoria, come over here.” She formed her index finger in a hook, repeatedly moving it outward then back in with a slight flick of her wrist, hoping to convince her former nemesis to move closer towards her. “I need a proper goodbye from you. It’s been a while.” Max half-grinned and puckered her lips.

Am I really doing this?

Victoria slowly turned her head, looking at Vanessa with wide eyes before shuffling over to Max’s side. “Are you sure this is o-okay? In front of your mom?”

Vanessa turned away. “It’s fine, jeez.” She stepped to the window and stared out, both hands on her hips, slightly shaking her head.

I wonder what they talked about while I was in my coma. Does Mom really not care about… me and Victoria?

Max watched as Victoria craned over and inched towards Max’s face with her eyes closed, lips pursed.

Part of her actually wanted the kiss. Sharing a closeness with someone who cared about her, even if she didn’t understand it, felt nice. It was tough to recognize herself in this reality, however. Another part of her, felt a kiss would almost be like she was cheating on Chloe.

That’s ridiculous, Max.

Max shook the thoughts away as she, too, lowered her eyelids. She could feel the taller girl’s breath on her skin just before their mouths touched. After lingering in the moment for a couple of seconds, the girls’ lips were drawn together. Not much time passed before Max abruptly pulled away, enticing a small huff from the blonde who was pushing in for a deeper kiss. She brought Victoria’s upper body in towards her chest for a hug. They awkwardly wrapped their arms around one another. Max gently placed her head on Victoria’s shoulder to feign endearment.

This feels so wrong.

Max whispered, “Please do this one thing for me, Victoria. Do not visit Jefferson tonight. Trust me, I have a bad feeling, and it’s not jealousy, honestly. Please… Babe.”

It felt terrible to share a moment like that with someone she believed hated her guts not long ago; someone who was vile and hateful towards others in her reality. Mostly, though, it felt yucky because she kissed someone other than who she really wanted to.

God, what am I gonna tell Chloe if I finally get her back? Shit, Max. No, don’t think like that. None of this will matter when she’s in your arms.

Victoria stood to her feet. “Fine, Max. I’m not sure what’s gotten into you lately, but I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt since you’re in the hospital and all. Plus, you know I must love you to want to kiss you before you brushed your teeth. Eww. Typically, something like that would gross me out. Anyway, I’ll just go chill with Taylor and give Mr. Jefferson an excuse. No biggie. Chow, Babe.” She waved her hand over her head as she exited the room.

Vanessa promptly shuffled to the door. She discreetly closed it, paying close attention to the handle, apparently waiting to hear the latch fasten. After it clicked, the woman faced the interior of the room with a frown.

“Max, I really don’t know what you see in her, but we have bigger fish to fry at the moment. Things we need to discuss.”

“Honestly, Mom. I really don’t even know myself. I-I wish I could share certain things with you, but I’m afraid to. At least right now.”

She might try to keep me in the hospital longer if I mention anything about different realities or time travel. She’ll think I’m nuts. Probably best not to open that can of worms.

“Listen,” Vanessa began. “I haven’t allowed anyone to talk to you about what happened until I knew you were ready to handle it. I think you are ready now.”

It occurred to Max that she wasn’t entirely sure why the alternative version of herself was in the hospital. She knew she previously had to make a decision about ending Chloe’s life, but she didn’t recall what she had done. If Chloe did died, that means she gave her the additional morphine. Doesn’t it?

“Yeah, Mom. Tell me.”

“Your father and I have had numerous conversations with William and Joyce. Originally, they were so upset they wanted to blame you for Chloe’s death. They even considered pressing charges. But after the autopsy showed no foul play, they decided to spend time grieving together. You’re in the clear, as far as the law is concerned.”

Did I or I didn’t give her the morphine? I’m so confused.

“They said,” Vanessa continued, “that something had to have happened. Their daughter was living on borrowed time as it was, but she at least had several months ahead of her– maybe years. You actually showing up for the first time in ages, then Chloe dies… I don’t know, Max. I would probably have reacted similarly. Plus, it’s tough to think rationally after such a profound moment. Does that make sense?”

The hospital door opened and a group of nurses entered the room.

“Well, this won’t be fun, but we’re taking that catheter out, Ms. Caulfield.” The nurse who must have been in charge at that time directed the other two as they began putting medical gloves on. “You wanna leave? You have to use the restroom on your own. It’s the next step.”

Vanessa squeezed her daughter’s shoulder. “We can talk more after.” The woman left the room, giving the nurses enough space to work.

“So, I can leave soon, right?” Max asked. “Just use the restroom and I’m clear?”

“It’s not that easy, Ms. Caulfield. You just woke up from a coma. Gotta stay the night. For observation and all. Doctor’s orders.” The medical professional reclined the bed and helped Max lay back down comfortably. “I won’t lie, this will be painful. I’m sorry in advance, Dear.” The catheter was then removed, and the staff helped Max get cleaned up.

It didn’t hurt as badly as Max assumed, though her mind was inundated with thoughts about what she would do when she’s finally got out of the hospital.

After the line was removed and Max was completely free from all tubes and machinery, everything else happened rather quickly. She was allowed to get out of bed, walk around, and even take a brief shower. Her strength had returned to nearly one hundred percent– almost as if she had never been in a coma in the first place.

Her mom stayed with her the whole time, of course. She returned Max’s cell phone and asked her to call her father, who was overjoyed his daughter was recovering so swiftly. He apologized that work wouldn’t allow for him to be in Arcadia Bay, and the man seemed genuinely upset he was anchored to his job.

At night, Vanessa stayed in the room with Max. She slept on two oversized chairs pushed together as she had every other evening.

The two discussed the day Max spent with Chloe, prior to the coma, and how Max missed her so much. She even mentioned the regret in her heart for not really reaching out to her after they moved to Seattle. She paid careful attention to her words; making sure she didn’t mention anything about her true reality.

Vanessa expressed her regrets during that time in their lives as well. She admitted ripping her daughter away from everything she had ever known so abruptly, probably wasn’t the best thing for her. She was just glad Max was alive and moving forward in the present.

It was actually nice to spend time with her mother. In her reality, Max had distanced herself from everyone during her search for Chloe. Over the past year or so, she was so laser focused on finding a way to bring her power back, that she allowed all real human connection to fall away.

Eventually, Max and her mom fell asleep. Max didn’t know what to expect from the Voodoo Man’s games, so it surprised her when she woke up the next morning right where she fell asleep.

When she came to, Max saw that her mom was still asleep. She located her phone then noticed that it was midmorning. She didn’t recall any sort of bizarre experience during her slumber.

When she realized she had a missed call sometime during the night, her heart nearly jumped from her chest.

It read: CHLOE’S CELL

Max sat up, eyes wide and mouth gaping. With trembling hands, she pushed the button to redial.

After several rings, a voice on the other end picked up.

“Max Caulfield,” the man sniffled. It was William Price. His voice sounded like he had been chewing on rocks; shaky and deeper than she ever remembered hearing before.

“W-William? Is-Is that you?”

A muffled sob came through the speaker, sending an instantaneously stinging mist to Max’s eyes, quickly filling them. Hearing Chloe’s father crying made Max feel like she just wanted to die. He meant so much to her as a child, and she knew the impact the man had on her best friend’s life– no matter if he had lived or not. William’s fate was directly tied to Chloe’s future in every timeline she visited.

He cleared his throat, gathering himself before responding.

“Max. We need to talk.”